My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
