3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
