I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
