Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
