I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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