remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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