tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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