ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
