Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
