So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
