You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
