Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
