'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
