I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We need to get me chipped asap
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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