I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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