i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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