Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.