I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless