I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment