Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?

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  (847): So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college? http://tfl.nu/onzy
  Replies (37) Good night (5353) Bad night (836)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook

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  (614): I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook http://tfl.nu/grvu
  Replies (20) Good night (638) Bad night (4389)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!

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  (506): porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off! http://tfl.nu/nmc3
  Replies (28) Good night (5806) Bad night (771)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

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  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
  Replies (65) Good night (1477) Bad night (19493)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore

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  (516): He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore http://tfl.nu/31xs
  Replies (7) Good night (972) Bad night (3415)
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  (619): View more from California

  on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.

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  (619): on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed. http://tfl.nu/fpfi
  Replies (6) Good night (3087) Bad night (1137)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.

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  (614): thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn. http://tfl.nu/sfhl
  Replies (14) Good night (1114) Bad night (2511)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Does it taste like semen?

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  (972): I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it. (214): Does it taste like semen? http://tfl.nu/qasv
  Replies (10) Good night (4234) Bad night (1386)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.

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  (612): Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me. http://tfl.nu/0mf7
  Replies (6) Good night (1575) Bad night (729)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We left the knife in your bed.

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  (780): We left the knife in your bed. http://tfl.nu/mwcc
  Replies (9) Good night (495) Bad night (1077)
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  (805): View more from California

  You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.

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  (805): You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like. http://tfl.nu/70wr
  Replies (14) Good night (655) Bad night (1160)
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  (914): View more from New York

  probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.

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  (914): probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate. http://tfl.nu/x46r
  Replies (10) Good night (383) Bad night (1242)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.

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  (250): You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette. http://tfl.nu/i44j
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (264)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness

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  (256): Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness http://tfl.nu/eegc
  Replies (1) Good night (594) Bad night (200)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.

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  (702): I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ. http://tfl.nu/vjli
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (282)

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