my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.