gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain