So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened