Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

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  (303): So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl. http://tfl.nu/7x7a
  Replies (4) Good night (1081) Bad night (568)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

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  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5494) Bad night (1039)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

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  (330): Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope http://tfl.nu/5njb
  Replies (17) Good night (672) Bad night (4155)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

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  (605): We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink. http://tfl.nu/ugbw
  Replies (60) Good night (13926) Bad night (897)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.

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  (703): Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice. http://tfl.nu/mxxc
  Replies (19) Good night (6041) Bad night (1311)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it

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  (781): if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it http://tfl.nu/706q
  Replies (4) Good night (3887) Bad night (1706)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.

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  (605): You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex. http://tfl.nu/lyw2
  Replies (10) Good night (4826) Bad night (891)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.

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  (586): So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER. http://tfl.nu/hlts
  Replies (7) Good night (1715) Bad night (532)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?

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  (732): You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean? http://tfl.nu/m097
  Replies (2) Good night (720) Bad night (282)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close

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  (312): When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close http://tfl.nu/wkbe
  Replies (12) Good night (1568) Bad night (379)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night

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  (614): finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night http://tfl.nu/xe5e
  Replies (10) Good night (366) Bad night (734)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's

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  (614): Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's http://tfl.nu/o9z1
  Replies (1) Good night (270) Bad night (464)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.

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  (781): Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all. http://tfl.nu/k6ec
  Replies (1) Good night (464) Bad night (212)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.

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  (785): After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life. http://tfl.nu/6x6s
  Replies (3) Good night (238) Bad night (431)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.

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  (201): But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling. http://tfl.nu/g0mj
  Replies (1) Good night (440) Bad night (249)

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