Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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