I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN