but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh