it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
