Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
