Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
