i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
