ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
