You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
