Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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