I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
