i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
