I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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