i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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