Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
