I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
