At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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