Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it glows. i had to have it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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