We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
