I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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