I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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