Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
