I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
