Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm really busy with my period
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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