he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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