best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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