I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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