Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
