wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
