Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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