He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
