would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
