It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
