Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
