Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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