textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
