I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
