she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
