not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
