I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
