I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
