Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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