I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
