So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
