I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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