Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
