I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
