yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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