I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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