Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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