3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
