fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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