I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
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GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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